Emergence Project

One of the first things we encounter in meditation practice is boredom. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that can lead to doubt about ourselves and/or the practice. Even experienced practitioners often face the problem on long retreats or after years of dedicated practice, reaching a point where they wonder, among other things, am I wasting my time? How do we work with boredom and does it have anything to teach us?

The Truth of Boredom

The first thing to recognize is that boredom is a concept, not a feeling. The experience of boredom actually varies widely from person to person and moment to moment. Some may find themselves becoming insufferably restless, others become drowsy, while still others notice a great deal of mental or physical pain.

For most of us, the idea of boredom corresponds to a story we have about what we should or could be doing.  Maybe the growing to do list building in your head gains a mounting urgency. Soon you feel foolish watching your breath when you could be accomplishing so much. Then there are those seductive fantasies about the far more exciting things you will do as soon as you are off the meditation cushion. Or maybe you are beset by guilt, wondering if sitting is not self-indulgent, especially in light of all the suffering in the world. An important place to begin is to investigate these story lines.

Most in the developed world are not accustomed to being still and silent. There is no cultural encouragement to just be, not without a glass of chardonnay and a good show to entertain. When we look deeper we are all subject to the same forms of conditioning that imply we will only find happiness and fulfillment if we are productive, successful, and materially wealthy. What drives this frenetic activity if not the promise of true satisfaction, whether sensual or intellectual?

Impermanence and Attachment

Time and time again the things we are told will bring us the most joy and fulfillment end up being fleeting and ephemeral. They are impermanent. Though we are encouraged repeatedly to pin our hopes on possessions, achievements and experiences, due to their ephemeral nature, they keep us trapped in a cycle of craving and grasping. In other words, our conditioned attachment actually drives the underlying feeling of dissatisfaction. We are like shipwrecked individuals trapped on a raft, desperately drinking saltwater to quench our thirst, only the more we drink the thirstier we get. To directly experience this requires pausing and looking deeper into our boredom. Sitting in meditation is the antithesis of everything that propels this false pathway to happiness.

The moment we meet the edge of boredom is when we begin to learn about ourselves and the underlying cause of suffering. When we peer into boredom we see the habitual patterns and reactions that drive us into the constant motion that consistently ensnares us. We see how the conditioning in which we swim affects us personally. In examining patterns of thought, bodily sensation and emotions with compassion and without reactivity, something profound begins to shift. The patterns may continue to arise, yet in the light of awareness their power decreases. In their wake other things are born.

Beyond Boredom

Comedian Louis C.K. illustrates this wonderfully in a bit he does about smart phones. In the story he is driving along when a Bruce Springsteen song comes on the radio. At a climactic moment in the song, a deep sorrowful feeling arises in Louis; he describes it as the “forever empty” feeling.  His immediate reaction is to pick up the phone as a distraction from this unpleasant feeling. Instead he decides to pull over and fully experience the emotion. As he sits there he begins to sob intensely.  In the light of awareness the sorrow eventually moves through him and in its place is replaced by a tender sense of wholeness, calm, and then joy. Because he allows himself the space to feel sadness he then has access to a broader range of his emotions and his humanity.

When we guard against boredom we shield ourselves from a depth and range of feelings. While it may feel worthwhile if the feelings are difficult and unpleasant to get rid of, when this becomes the pattern we find ourselves impoverished. There are times when we simply are not able to be with the intensity of an experience or feeling, and we may need respite and time. But unfortunately the bulk of our conditioning encourages us to hold any unpleasant feelings at bay or jump to the quick fix. In doing so we become cut off from important reservoirs of our humanity, including wisdom and messages from our hearts and bodies. We become cut off from what allows us to heal.

It is a sad irony that much of what we do with the aim of staying “connected” serves to distract us from our inner life. When we lose the ability to befriend our deepest feelings, how can we truly have empathy, or feel for others? Without this empathy how can we feel connected?

Boredom is a crack in the doorway. Welcome it, peer through the door, and when you are ready walk through it. By compassionately exploring these shadows in the safe container of mindful awareness, we can learn to embrace them as valuable aspects of our humanity, not things to be rid of and avoided. In this way we create an atmosphere that is rich and alive because it includes all of our experiences.